By a trained mediator from MiD, Hampton
Legend has it that troubled families find the stress of Christmas – meant to be the pinnacle of happiness – too much for the unhappy cou-ple to bear. So, January is said to be ‘divorce month’ when one or the other calls time and starts the process of unravelling their relation-ship.
Whether or not this analysis is factually cor-rect, it adds impetus to the urge to make a change and prompts the question ‘what do I do next?’. There are, of course, a number of options available; seeing relationship counsel-lors if you are unsure divorce is the answer or, if separation is your decision, there are many excellent local family solicitors. Or you can go to court, currently a long and slow process. The option you may overlook is ‘family mediation’ which is often misunder-stood, but exists to help couples make their own decisions, in a collaborative meeting managed by a mediator.
One misunderstanding is that mediation is designed to mend broken relationships. This is not true, although the process can help cou-ples see the other side of separation to assess what life would be like. Another misunder-standing is that mediation exists solely to discuss child arrangements – also not true. Mediators are very skilled in both assisting parents to decide on the best arrangements for their children, and helping people make deci-sions about their financial matters, however complex.
The mediator ensures each party is treated equally and is given time to put forward their views on their preferred outcome. The whole process is voluntary, so you can stop at any time, but if parents resolve matters collabora-tively, this is likely to be easier for the chil-dren involved.
Unfortunately, divorce is a stressful experi-ence, and involves making difficult decisions; but mediation is the one route aimed at achieving consensus about what is best for the family. If you do decide on mediation, then ensure your mediators are accredited. MiD Mediation & Counselling in Hampton Hill has seven accredited mediators. It is a not-for-profit service to keep fees low and offers legal aid to those eligible. (www.midmediation.org.uk). There is also a Government voucher scheme to reduce the cost of mediation primarily concerning child arrangements.
Hopefully the majority of you will have a happy Christmas but, if separation is unavoid-able, mediation offers a positive way of planning an outcome acceptable to both of you, and best for the children.
Family Mediation Week is 22-26 January